Just went out into the rain. I didn’t want to leave. I don’t know what it did for me, but I imagined myself controlling the weather.
Tried to think of my depression coming out of the clouds and sliding off my skin.
I haven’t gone out into the rain since I was a teenager, at least. I used to run and jump in puddles, because I was happy. The rain is a happy thing, sometimes. I just kind of stood with my arms sort of out at my sides, and just felt the rain get heavier.
I don’t feel much better, but I love the rain.
CW: ER trip
Got too depressed and wanted to hurt myself/die. It’s a low chance that I would actually hurt myself/die, but still.
Overall, it wasn’t that productive a trip. I just hate my job so much. I wish I could quit, which I could, but I’m gonna find a different job first.
It’s raining a bit, which is good. I want it to rain, and thunder, and blow wind. I’m tired of only feeling unhappiness and sorrow. That’s what the last few weeks have been.
My PMDD is on again, too.
It’s raining. I think I’ll go stand in the rain. See how it makes me feel.
”Bang Bang’ is actually really cute. Jessie and Ariana have GREAT voices, and then Nicki is the fucking cherry on top.
Sometimes you have fights with your S.O. Sometimes, in those moments you feel very hurt and paranoid and misunderstood, and you both cry and feel like nothing is ever gonna be the same again.
Tall-dude and I had one of those fights last night. We ended up holding each other and talking it out, and we’re perfectly fine now.
In a couple of weeks, we will have been dating for three years. I NEVER, EVER imagined I would EVER have someone like Tall-dude, and I know he feels the same about me. I am still stupidly, intensely in love with him, and I feel my best when I’m with him.
He has held me through countless tearful anxiety attacks, and has supported me through all my depression and horrible stuff. I only hope I’ve been there enough for him.
When you have someone so ceaselessly good to you, it makes you wonder where it’s gonna get fucked up. And, I still do sometimes get very paranoid and defensive.
I cannot say enough amazing things about Tall-dude. I don’t know how I ever got him or how we ended up, or what good we did in the world to end up together. It’s perplexing, but it’s right.
Took a shower, unfucked my Google Chrome shit, I think my shit is in order.
Gotta find my textbooks.
Started my online classes today.
One of the classes meets on Thursday(every three weeks) and it conflicts with my work schedule for that day!
I’m so stressed out my ears are fucking ringing. I don’t know how I’m gonna do this. I hate my life.